There is madness inside all of us.

‍

There was a time where such madness
was passed into my conscious attention
Ungated
Again and Again
a Torrent
Besieged by such thoughts images and urges
Bathed in them

‍

Until I knew nothing
Until I couldn't argue anymore
Until all I could say was, "I don't know."

‍

And when I knew I didn't know,
And let that be,
The walls began to restore.
The images were there, but half there.
The madness began to be below the surface —

‍

It's still there.
My brain will likely boil again.
Who knows how?
Who knows what theme?

‍

All I know is Now.

‍

A lofty day
of clouds and breeze
and blossoms on the apple trees;
Errands bring me out.

Judge me as you will.
May each blemish be overexposed
and outlined in deep shadow.
In the clarity of your clear blue sky
may I be the montster.
May you be bright and sure.

‍

But—there is wisdom in softness.
And maybe later I could see you,
in hues of gold and blue,
in midtomes,
and I'll tell you:
each nuance I see
is beautiful.

It’s hard to feel like flossing matters,
When the votes are in,
When they want you dead,
When they’re getting their way —

‍

Or like it matters
If I wash my hands an extra time,
Or pick my skin a bit,
Or shower a bit long.

‍

In a few months, we’ll see;
Maybe sooner, who knows?

‍

But for now, I’ll get my passport,
And consider making my birth certificate binary,
And wonder if I pass,

‍

And I’ll confess:
I didn’t floss last night —
But I did this morning,
And I’m drinking water,
And I'm checking in on friends,
And nothing is over yet.

Dysregulated today
with the rearing of my PDA
and too many demands
and changes in plans
a meltdown may be on the way.

You don't have to make sense
You don't have to continue this way
You don't have to

‍

It's okay to be disliked
It's okay to have dark thoughts
It's okay to

‍

Sometimes you need sustenance
Sometimes you need beauty
Sometimes you need rest
Sometimes you need

‍